Journal - Random thoughts swirling in my head

Well here we go again with more thoughts swirling in my head. Right now I'm having a hard time sorting through them though. So I'm going to use this as a therapy session which is what my therapist recommended last year. Right now I'm having a hard time sorting through my thoughts as I said but if I talk to my blog the way I talk to my therapist you, dear reader would have a tough time reading this. However, these are my thoughts and my blog so here goes nothing.

I've had my coffee for the day which is what I do every Saturday ...... well actually I do that every morning, but especially Saturday my coffee time is important because no else awake yet and its just me and my kitties and we enjoy quiet mornings on Saturday looking out the window at the beautiful day.

Speaking of beautiful days, I will say that I truly do love living in California because the days are so pretty and the weather is so nice and I can sleep with my window open looking over the park across the street. I guess it's therapeutic as well watching the little kids play on the playground running and screaming in delight and playing chase with one another. But someone please do explain the attraction of this game called Frisbee Golf because I just don't get it, I don't understand that game. I sit in my window and I watch guys play and it just looks like the silliest game known to mankind. I figure if you want to golf, then golf, and Frisbee if you want to, go Frisbee, but to combine the two damn games together (smh),.... I mean, really it just looks silly to me.

Uh oh, I am ranting and didn't even know I had anything to rant about until I started talking.....well this probably why my therapist said I should blog it out. What she actually said was "journal" but I translated that to mean blogging because I like to share my thoughts with the people that I refuse to make phone calls and talk to directly .......which is probably one reason why I need therapy. LOL 

Right now my kitty just came to visit me, she likes to spend time in my room and I like the fact that my cats enjoy my room because its comfy and we spend lots of quiet time together.

Anyway I've been ranting long enough and it's time now for breakfast and I'm in the mood for grits and eggs and bacon and toast so I think I'll go have Nicole make my eggs and I'll do the rest of it.

Thanks for listening to me ramble and/or reading my ramble....please leave a comment on my ramble as well.

~Aye out

Dear Diary - Cats and Groomers do NOT mix

Last week when we had the housekeepers come for spring cleaning, I decided to also schedule the groomers to come for a wash and brush for my two cats today.

Well today is the day and I am a bit anxious because my cats are very very skittish and tend to hide under my bed when someone knocks on the door or rings the doorbell. The appointment is scheduled for 3 o'clock today and I am concerned because I think we're going to get scratched up pretty badly when they freak out later today. I wonder if the groomer can knock them out for the duration??

So, the groomer has arrived and my cats aren't happy. Madison has been a good kitty and successfully endured her bath and brush - YAY she's all clean and fluffy again. However, Brooklyn has been hiding under my bed and won't come out...so I guess she's gonna take a pass this time....

Opinion: Batman vs Superman, Dawn of Justice. Yeah, I liked it. And?

The Critics didn't seem to appreciate this film as much as I did.

 Ok I I'll admit I was apprehensive 2 years ago when I first read of the casting of Ben Affleck as Batman and Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman in the lead roles. THAT was a somewhat scary moment, yes, but I am also an optimist and in my opinion as a devoted IMAX-3D nothing-less-than-big-screen-adventure Fandango paying customer, any improvement over Christian Bale and his hideous rendition of "the voice" is a welcome change..... I refused to sit through another minute of that torture.

As for Henry Cavil's Superman .... MY favorite casting choice for this character, ever!!

This movie was pretty good and I truly enjoyed it. The Bat was brooding, sad, angry, petulant, and in desperate need of group therapy. IMO, the Perfect Dark Knight. Yeah, his beef with Superman was a bit schoolyard and petty in the end, but what pissing contest between boys isn't?

Enter Diana aka WONDER WOMAN.
 Ok first off, my only exposure to Ms Gadot was Fast and Furious-I'm-not-sure-which-number and the vivid recall of that rail thin body and visible hip bones did NOT scream to me "yeah I see Wonder Woman right there" ....no it didnt.

However, forever the optimist, I hoped and expected that the studio money folks saw something more in this actress than I did, so I respectfully decided to reserve judgement. Boy am I glad I did. Gadot, SHE KILLED IT! She gave the audience the all around every woman. Beautiful, intelligent, focused, and not falling for the bullshit. Concise, precise and kicked-ass with skill and a grin when necessary. Every scene. Every single one. I liked her.

Which l leads me to Lex Luthor. Oh oh oh oh Jesse Eisenberg you sir are brilliant, yes you are. Twitchy, manic, oddly charming, in desperate need of a padded cell and some heavy meds. Brillant. Loved it. Already added to my "actors to watch" list but now moved up to the top 10 for sure.

My only real complaint is the morphing of Gen Zod into that messy CGI-rendered arch villain. Gollum he ain't. j/s because I liked Zod as he was,. he was already impressively bad, powerful, and scary enough without any enhancements. Now we want to CGI the hell out of him too? Why Mr Snyder, Why?!?

Ok, I get it...the duo needed something or someone else to fight over besides penis size, and neither The Bat or the Red Cape has what it takes to distract The WOMAN in any of the usual boy/girl methods (i.e, sex & romance)....so we must resort to the common enemy.....with a twist. 

The girl lead the fight by bum-rushing the Big Bad. (applause)

SHE even had the stones to grin with glee after being thrown about like a ragdoll. That look Diana had on her face was the same worn by Thor when The Hulk drew first blood.... the look that said "yeah, now we're gonna have some fun".

And fun she had. That sword and the lasso!! Girl Power to the rescue!

 Yes I am a fan. And...?

Suffice to say the movie wasn't perfect, but it was Much much better than expected and I don't begrudge the time or the money spent to see it so to hell with the critics that are bashing it. I want more and I'm willing to pay hard earned dollars to do so

~Aye

Dear Diary (retro) - My First Timeshare

Rough Day

Some Days, this is just how it is......

Wisdom from Unlikely places #33 - Abraham Speaks

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." - Abraham Lincoln

Too pretty for the Office Today

It's gorgeous outside and far too pretty to be shut up in an office. Good thing I've got a great view :) 
Happy Monday. Be back later to update on whether I should have stayed home of not. LOL

~Aye, out

Random # 36 - Happy Sunday

IMO, Sunday mornings are NOT meant for early risings. Just not :-| I woke up suddenly this morning with a jolt at 6:14am, couldn't figure why - then remembered that I'd been dreaming of being in high school, walking home alone and scared shit-less because I was being chased by vicious snarling Pitbulls - but when I realized it'd been a dream then took a look at the clock trust me, this Sista just wasn't pleased at the time ....6-friggin15in the AM?? ON A SUNDAY NO LESS? >:(

Of course, like all addicted-to-social-networkers do.....I posted a status on Facebook and of course, got comments and "likes"  from other addicted-to-social-networkers. Didn't take long in my seriously cranky state of mind to tell my beloved FB friend Bubby to zip-it with the comments and promptly fall back asleep.

Woke up again suddenly 2 hours later at 8:25am - from a dream where my boss very cheerfully walks in and fires me with a smile on her face, a pink slip/check in one hand and an empty box for my shit in the other (which felt seriously like a shitty move to me) thank GOD I was only dreaming WHEW - still groggy with sleep and crankier this time because I was in tears....no accompanying FB post this time though. Sista just rolled over and let sleep take me again.

2hours later...10:00am exactly I awake to my cell ringing in my ear (in my ear because I'd left it on the pillow after posting on Facebook 4 hours previously)....this wakeup was from my perpetually cheerful daughter Bree who had NOOO idea who the hell this raspy-voiced, mean-sounding stranger was talking to HER on her (single & unattached) moms' phone at 10am Sunday morning....so she says "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU??????" .....She sounded seriously outraged and territorial as hell, like a Lioness with newborn cubs - poor baby LMAO .....I had to laugh at that - and finally wake my ass up.

It' coffee time. Happy Sunday :-)

~Aye, out

Widsom From Unexpected Places #32 - Tupac Says...

Don't really think I need to add anything more, do you?

~Aye, out

2012 Presidential Election -Obama on Foreign Policy

Ok, its 6am on a Saturday .... My personal thoughts on this article will have to wait until after coffee but suffice to say I will not be one to forget our beloved President's sucesses when I enter the polls next November. Now, i'll go drink my  coffee and get my thoughts together while you read this.
~Aye
AP News : Anti-terrorism success may not help Obama in 2012

Cutest Game Ever!! - Bug Village

Check out "BUG VILLAGE"
I found the cutest game for my Android tablet called Bug Village. I will say up front that this game has no real purpose than fun - unless you're wanting to teach your child a basic lesson about the merits of hard work and establishing daily habits for yourself.  Moral lessons side, the game is just really cute and very well crafted. 
Click the link above to access the app in Android Market.

~Aye

Quote for the day tomorrow:

"You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great", Zig Ziglar

Goodbye 2010 - My Year in Review

It was Jan 1, 2010 when I posted this--> my new years resolution on Facebook: "Peace & Quiet for me and No matter what happens, I'm gonna do ME and let You do You."

So let's see if I stuck to my resolution...

2010 started with a plan to (finally) relocate from California to (somewhere) on the East Coast, preferably New York. Since I'm still in Cali and the plan fell through (again)...I sighed and gave it up because with the continual interferences in my plans, apparently I'm not supposed to live permanently on the East Coast - guess I'm in Cali to stay. So 2010 ends with the death of a dear-to-my-heart dream.

What else happened to affect my life in 2010?

...stay tuned...

Sustainable Love - Tara Parker-Pope on Happy Marriages - NYTimes.com

Sustainable Love - Tara Parker-Pope on Happy Marriages - NYTimes.com

Dear Diary...Me Time

.....is one of those days when I just needed some time for myself.

I used to feel so guilty for taking time for me. I did. I had to face facts: I'm a people-pleaser. I am - have been for years - It's a sickness. I think it stems from something influential that went on during childhood. Nevertheless, I have always felt obligated to make everyone else happy yet neglecting my own needs and desires in the process. Thus,I felt guilty for admitting that I had needs and wants. So Here we are today, home sick from work because I push myself too hard and end up doing EVERYTHING for everyone else and then have no energy to get my ass to work (which provides the means to take care of ME *because no-one else does*).

I'm learning how to prioritize, slowly but surely, with a lot of self-examination and *"practice selfishness exercises*, I'm learning.

So, today is for me. Rest, Relax, Rejuvenate, and take plenty of Benedryl for these horrible seasonal allergies.

Dear Diary, I love you.

(...now its naptime)

Ciao, Aye

Dear Diary...Kaput. I see it. Why don't you?

WARNING: I am annoyed/hurt/confused/angry/etc etc etc....

Why? Long story.

Short version - A Man. :(

Too short, you say? Ok, Longer version...

A Man I once loved very much continues to contact me even though "it" is over.
Done. Kaput. Finito.
WE called it quits.
Well, I called it quits - for very good reasons mind you, but WE Mutually agreed that there is no future between us. So in my mind, we ended it. Agreed upon. Done.
Now, admittedly, I opened a can of worms by wishing him a happy birthday. My bad. I guess I shouldn't wish happiness to ex's I suppose. Even text-style well wishes is a BAD thing. Apparently it sends the wrong message.

But QUESTION: In what language does "Happy Birthday" translate to "I want to get back with you".... I wonder???  

ANSWER: NONE. Happy Birthday means "I hope you have a happy birthday today". Period. It means exactly that. Nothing more. 

I wish him well. 

I'm a nice person - sue me.  

But.. "we MOOOOVE ON, because that's what people do....." (*ok, the Breaking Bad reference is lost on you. I get it* - but it was funny at the time. Season 2, episode...... shit, I don't know what episode. sorry, it was the plane crash pep talk at the high school...hell just Google it, ok) 

But, I digress.
Anyway, he continues reaching out to me, calling to say .... well, nothing much. Just calls to hear me breathe I guess.  Eating up my cell minutes for no daggoned reason. Its less annoying than just plain hurtful & confusing to me - as well as opening healing wounds and making them ache again. Like picking a scab knowing that you're creating a tender spot that will scar but just can't stop yourself.
Change your number, you say.
Well I don't want to change my number though - I've had it too long and, honestly, I shouldn't have to change it. He should stop picking at me and leave me in peace.  I promise to ignore all other birthdays if he'll just lose my number. Fair enough?
Is that so hard? There are SOO many other women out there just dying to be with an awesome-in-the-sack, non-commital just like him. So why miss me so much? I'm confused because I don't fit his ideal woman profile anyway - which is primarily why I called it quits in the first place. Why aren't I, you ask? Because I'm MONOGOMOUS. Ain't it a sin? We had a problem because I won't let other people in the bedroom with us. I'm so unrelenting and selfish to keep saying NO, I ONLY want YOU. That's a problem for him. Weird huh?
In fairness, I did ask him all that during a particularly uncomfortable few minutes of silence that we're both paying per minute for - but, not surprisingly I didn't get a response.
Just Silence.. and a sigh.
Don't look at me like that, I DID ask.
I do know why the deafening silence though (which happened because I refuse to provide answers to questions aren't mine to answer - My question simply strikes too deeply into his incredibly selfish nature - and would call for serious self-examination that he is unwilling to put himself through just to get some guaranteed ass on a forever basis. Now before you shoot me with arrows, thats not me resorting to name-calling.... he told me that himself. So I'm just saying what he said.

Of course, there's some deep issues in this story that I am unwilling to divulge here on a public blog - but trust, there are.  We both have them. However, I'm willing to discuss & work through them - he wasn't. Which contributed to the problem as well.

But I'm tired. We've done this emotional merry-go-round too many times. He made his bed but apparently doesn't want to sleep in it. Too crowded with all the wrong people, I think.
My bed however, is very comfy and has all the people I want in it. One. Me. (well, me and my teddy b'cause we coo like that)
My advice: MOVE ON Brotha, move on b'cause I have and really would like to put a period to this madness once and for all. Truly.

~Aye, out


Note: I"m not annoyed/hurt/confused/angry/etc etc etc...anymore.
Blogging in my diary is Good :D

.

Dear Diary... Tired

.... yes, I titled this one "tired" because that is what I am tonight. Truthfully, I am so tired that my brain wants to stop working, stop thinking, stop analyzing.. I think school is getting to me. But I can't tire out, not yet. Yes, I am in the final year of my BS program, but I also have an MBA to obtain as well. Can't get tired yet - I have 2 more years to complete. But for now, this sista is worn out. Worn out, I tell you. Exhausted....perhaps my brain will be better after 8 hours of rest. I do hope so - I have class tomorrow.

Can't go to sleep yet. I promised myself that I would start my journal again and I must keep my word to myself and write something here, regardless of how trivial it seems, I must continue to write something in my journal. So.... here it is.....

SOMETHING.

*goodnight*

~Aye, out

Dear Diary ... Hi, My name is

...Tina, and I'm a gaming addict. My current addiction is the Nintendo Wii.

I'm scurred

***tongue in cheek***

Over the years of being a stay-at-home-totally-immersed-into-my children Mom, I have accumulated game consoles including Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Sega, Playstation2, Playstation3 and Wii - all still working and games stuffed into boxes, cabinets and stacked in the garage. The only one I didn't get but still want is the original Atari Game system. I have however, found myself involved in bidding wars on Ebay to acquire one, but that's another blog for another day :D

I realize that I'm jumping on this Wii train rather late (it seems) but not really. I've had a Wii in my home since it was originally released late 2006. Everyone was sooooo excited about it and got all immersed into playing and whatnot. I was not interested.."games are for kids, I'm good thanks." Yeah, that was me a few years ago -prior to Myspace's MOBSTERS game app. 2 years later, I'm addicted to computer/internet/console games in nearly any format.

Through Myspace, Facebook, Yahoo! and my daughters, I have been exposed to far too many games to become addicted to:
Mafia Wars, check.
Mobsters, check.
Cafe World, check.
Yahoo! Games...
" dominoes
" spades
" Literati
" Hearts, check. check. check.
God of War, check.
Shadow of the Colossus, check.
Mario Brothers, check.
Guitar Hero, check.
DJ Hero, check.
Tony Hawk, check.
Monopoly, check.
Spider Solitaire, check.
Wii Bowling, check.
" Golf, check.
" Fishing, check.
" Cow Racing, check.
CHECK.
CHECK.
CHECK.
CHECK.
Waiting breathlessly for God of War 3 and worse yet... I'm totally fighting the urge to get into Halo and World of Warcraft. If not for friends who've beaten those addictions and run interference, I'd be sitting here with my headset on shouting orders to my teams right now.

You get the picture.

I'm scurred. Ray of light however is the fact that even though I'm addicted, I'm also a cheapskate and just not willing to connect my Visa to pay monthly membership fees just to play a game. Nor am I a gmabler. If so, I'd be in rehab by now. So thank goodness for free online games.

I'm still scurred.

*tongue still firmly in cheek*
Relax folks, I'm kidding.

~Aye, out

Dear Diary... Rant

Last evening, I was asked what I do for a living. It was a general but direct question during a meet & greet conversation. I'm a nice & cordial person, so I responded to it. My response was honest, open and truthful --- "I am an Independent Rep with Financial Destination, Inc.... I am a professional Network Marketer".

Before my sentence was half-finished, he moved on to the next person...I was summarily dismissed. Rudely.

I was also offended. And insulted. And annoyed. And consequently, after giving time for the insult, annoyance and offense to marinate - angry.

This morning, the insult was still on my mind. BUT....This is America, we each have the right to do as we choose.

I have my right to make an honest living in any way I choose - he has the right to make a living his way.

He has the right to dismiss my job as unimportant. I have a right to be annoyed with his attitude.

I have the right to slap the taste out of his mouth. He has the right to sue me for assault. This is America.

No, I didn't slap him. No he doesn't need to sue me.

This IS America - I also have the right to work when I choose to, earn money from my down-line even when I do nothing at all. I have earned that right.

He has the (obligation) to go to work all day, every day, even when he doesn't want to - because his boss tells him he must.
I have the (freedom) to sleep late, any day, whenever I want to. I don't have a boss.

He's 45 and has to wait to until he is released from work (or his 401K allows him) to retire.
I'm 46 and I AM (because I have a profitable down-line) retired.

Dear Diary, I'm not angry/annoyed/offended - I'm LMAO.

~Aye, out

Dear Diary ... Better :)

I feel so much better today than I have felt in a very long time :) My smile is returning.

I have begun the process of purging my life of some (people) who I knew deep down weren't very good for my psyche. I feel good... actually I feel better, like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I hadn't realized how much of the anxiety was coming from a single source - and such an unlikely source too. I would be really stumped by this realization if I weren't so relieved from the purging process.

What I have learned:
Say what you're thinking at the time you're thinking it - don't hold back to be nice or assuage hurt feelings. Don't wait for a better moment. Don't hesitate to make your needs known.
Just do it.

~Aye, out [singing]

Bob Marley - I Can See Clearly Now

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day

Oh yes I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day

Look all around, there's nothin' but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin' but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day