Quote for the day tomorrow:

"You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great", Zig Ziglar

Goodbye 2010 - My Year in Review

It was Jan 1, 2010 when I posted this--> my new years resolution on Facebook: "Peace & Quiet for me and No matter what happens, I'm gonna do ME and let You do You."

So let's see if I stuck to my resolution...

2010 started with a plan to (finally) relocate from California to (somewhere) on the East Coast, preferably New York. Since I'm still in Cali and the plan fell through (again)...I sighed and gave it up because with the continual interferences in my plans, apparently I'm not supposed to live permanently on the East Coast - guess I'm in Cali to stay. So 2010 ends with the death of a dear-to-my-heart dream.

What else happened to affect my life in 2010?

...stay tuned...

Sustainable Love - Tara Parker-Pope on Happy Marriages - NYTimes.com

Sustainable Love - Tara Parker-Pope on Happy Marriages - NYTimes.com

Dear Diary...Me Time

.....is one of those days when I just needed some time for myself.

I used to feel so guilty for taking time for me. I did. I had to face facts: I'm a people-pleaser. I am - have been for years - It's a sickness. I think it stems from something influential that went on during childhood. Nevertheless, I have always felt obligated to make everyone else happy yet neglecting my own needs and desires in the process. Thus,I felt guilty for admitting that I had needs and wants. So Here we are today, home sick from work because I push myself too hard and end up doing EVERYTHING for everyone else and then have no energy to get my ass to work (which provides the means to take care of ME *because no-one else does*).

I'm learning how to prioritize, slowly but surely, with a lot of self-examination and *"practice selfishness exercises*, I'm learning.

So, today is for me. Rest, Relax, Rejuvenate, and take plenty of Benedryl for these horrible seasonal allergies.

Dear Diary, I love you.

(...now its naptime)

Ciao, Aye

Dear Diary...Kaput. I see it. Why don't you?

WARNING: I am annoyed/hurt/confused/angry/etc etc etc....

Why? Long story.

Short version - A Man. :(

Too short, you say? Ok, Longer version...

A Man I once loved very much continues to contact me even though "it" is over.
Done. Kaput. Finito.
WE called it quits.
Well, I called it quits - for very good reasons mind you, but WE Mutually agreed that there is no future between us. So in my mind, we ended it. Agreed upon. Done.
Now, admittedly, I opened a can of worms by wishing him a happy birthday. My bad. I guess I shouldn't wish happiness to ex's I suppose. Even text-style well wishes is a BAD thing. Apparently it sends the wrong message.

But QUESTION: In what language does "Happy Birthday" translate to "I want to get back with you".... I wonder???  

ANSWER: NONE. Happy Birthday means "I hope you have a happy birthday today". Period. It means exactly that. Nothing more. 

I wish him well. 

I'm a nice person - sue me.  

But.. "we MOOOOVE ON, because that's what people do....." (*ok, the Breaking Bad reference is lost on you. I get it* - but it was funny at the time. Season 2, episode...... shit, I don't know what episode. sorry, it was the plane crash pep talk at the high school...hell just Google it, ok) 

But, I digress.
Anyway, he continues reaching out to me, calling to say .... well, nothing much. Just calls to hear me breathe I guess.  Eating up my cell minutes for no daggoned reason. Its less annoying than just plain hurtful & confusing to me - as well as opening healing wounds and making them ache again. Like picking a scab knowing that you're creating a tender spot that will scar but just can't stop yourself.
Change your number, you say.
Well I don't want to change my number though - I've had it too long and, honestly, I shouldn't have to change it. He should stop picking at me and leave me in peace.  I promise to ignore all other birthdays if he'll just lose my number. Fair enough?
Is that so hard? There are SOO many other women out there just dying to be with an awesome-in-the-sack, non-commital just like him. So why miss me so much? I'm confused because I don't fit his ideal woman profile anyway - which is primarily why I called it quits in the first place. Why aren't I, you ask? Because I'm MONOGOMOUS. Ain't it a sin? We had a problem because I won't let other people in the bedroom with us. I'm so unrelenting and selfish to keep saying NO, I ONLY want YOU. That's a problem for him. Weird huh?
In fairness, I did ask him all that during a particularly uncomfortable few minutes of silence that we're both paying per minute for - but, not surprisingly I didn't get a response.
Just Silence.. and a sigh.
Don't look at me like that, I DID ask.
I do know why the deafening silence though (which happened because I refuse to provide answers to questions aren't mine to answer - My question simply strikes too deeply into his incredibly selfish nature - and would call for serious self-examination that he is unwilling to put himself through just to get some guaranteed ass on a forever basis. Now before you shoot me with arrows, thats not me resorting to name-calling.... he told me that himself. So I'm just saying what he said.

Of course, there's some deep issues in this story that I am unwilling to divulge here on a public blog - but trust, there are.  We both have them. However, I'm willing to discuss & work through them - he wasn't. Which contributed to the problem as well.

But I'm tired. We've done this emotional merry-go-round too many times. He made his bed but apparently doesn't want to sleep in it. Too crowded with all the wrong people, I think.
My bed however, is very comfy and has all the people I want in it. One. Me. (well, me and my teddy b'cause we coo like that)
My advice: MOVE ON Brotha, move on b'cause I have and really would like to put a period to this madness once and for all. Truly.

~Aye, out


Note: I"m not annoyed/hurt/confused/angry/etc etc etc...anymore.
Blogging in my diary is Good :D

.

Dear Diary... Tired

.... yes, I titled this one "tired" because that is what I am tonight. Truthfully, I am so tired that my brain wants to stop working, stop thinking, stop analyzing.. I think school is getting to me. But I can't tire out, not yet. Yes, I am in the final year of my BS program, but I also have an MBA to obtain as well. Can't get tired yet - I have 2 more years to complete. But for now, this sista is worn out. Worn out, I tell you. Exhausted....perhaps my brain will be better after 8 hours of rest. I do hope so - I have class tomorrow.

Can't go to sleep yet. I promised myself that I would start my journal again and I must keep my word to myself and write something here, regardless of how trivial it seems, I must continue to write something in my journal. So.... here it is.....

SOMETHING.

*goodnight*

~Aye, out

Dear Diary ... Hi, My name is

...Tina, and I'm a gaming addict. My current addiction is the Nintendo Wii.

I'm scurred

***tongue in cheek***

Over the years of being a stay-at-home-totally-immersed-into-my children Mom, I have accumulated game consoles including Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Sega, Playstation2, Playstation3 and Wii - all still working and games stuffed into boxes, cabinets and stacked in the garage. The only one I didn't get but still want is the original Atari Game system. I have however, found myself involved in bidding wars on Ebay to acquire one, but that's another blog for another day :D

I realize that I'm jumping on this Wii train rather late (it seems) but not really. I've had a Wii in my home since it was originally released late 2006. Everyone was sooooo excited about it and got all immersed into playing and whatnot. I was not interested.."games are for kids, I'm good thanks." Yeah, that was me a few years ago -prior to Myspace's MOBSTERS game app. 2 years later, I'm addicted to computer/internet/console games in nearly any format.

Through Myspace, Facebook, Yahoo! and my daughters, I have been exposed to far too many games to become addicted to:
Mafia Wars, check.
Mobsters, check.
Cafe World, check.
Yahoo! Games...
" dominoes
" spades
" Literati
" Hearts, check. check. check.
God of War, check.
Shadow of the Colossus, check.
Mario Brothers, check.
Guitar Hero, check.
DJ Hero, check.
Tony Hawk, check.
Monopoly, check.
Spider Solitaire, check.
Wii Bowling, check.
" Golf, check.
" Fishing, check.
" Cow Racing, check.
CHECK.
CHECK.
CHECK.
CHECK.
Waiting breathlessly for God of War 3 and worse yet... I'm totally fighting the urge to get into Halo and World of Warcraft. If not for friends who've beaten those addictions and run interference, I'd be sitting here with my headset on shouting orders to my teams right now.

You get the picture.

I'm scurred. Ray of light however is the fact that even though I'm addicted, I'm also a cheapskate and just not willing to connect my Visa to pay monthly membership fees just to play a game. Nor am I a gmabler. If so, I'd be in rehab by now. So thank goodness for free online games.

I'm still scurred.

*tongue still firmly in cheek*
Relax folks, I'm kidding.

~Aye, out